Things to know:
Male. 20. York. Often times horrendously bored and horrifically boring. Optimistically cynical at the best of times. Avid lover of tea and biscuits. Occasional gamer. Full time undercover nerd about a whole range of pointless topics. Music aficionado who doesn't actually know that much. Long suffering student and a reader of ridiculously hefty tomes. Ranked 7th in the World Twerking Championships. I also have a beard most of the time. One of these things is a lie.
Content - Eclectic at best.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
(Source: stelmarias)
nayx:
how the fuc k do you believe in intelligent design when we have wisdom teeth we grow teeth that dont FIT in our mouths anymore
Oppressors complaining that it’s unfair that there are programs or services which are only for oppressed groups, is like shooting someone then complaining that they got to have more visits to the hospital than you.
I couldn’t help myself.
MusingMatt: Matt's Summary of the Xbox One Reveal
Gosh its some amazing presenters. Wearing grey and fake enthusiasm.
This conference is being presented out in a massive shed. Just so you know.
This guy turned up, which is good because we know how massively integral he is to the gaming community.
This guy turns up and spouts some history bollocks that no one gives a fuck about. He uses generic phrases such as “stories lighting up on every device” and “provide compelling answers to difficult questions” which actually mean NOTHING.” My favourite phrase was “it must be built for the future”, as if you can build something for the past. Bellend.
Oh my word it’s Xbox One, it’s so shiny! It’s also fucking massive. Jesus, it looks like an old VHS player.
That better not be a fucking Kinect.
Hey it’s Yusuf, doing relevant things like playing [POPULAR RACING GAME] and listening to [POPULAR MUSICIAN]. I hope he ‘kinects’ with the audience! He also shows the audience a lot of Star Trek. You can also skype on your xbox now and have incredibly awkward conversations with the xbox team.
This is Marc, who talks a lot about the specs and is incredibly boring. He says numbers and letters in such a combination that people cheer.
Microsoft are pairing up with EA (which is a brilliant idea, because EA are so, so loved) to bring new, unique games, such as [GENERIC BASKETBALL GAME 20XX] and [GENERIC SOCCER GAME 20XX]. They also talk to sports people who I don’t give a flying fuck about (which seems to be a general theme at this conference)
Next up is Phill who’s going to talk us through some original, unique, never-thought of games before the likes of which are so ground-breaking, so amazingly new and fresh and brilliant that you will break down and weep at the sheer originality of it all.
Oh for fucks sake.
There’s also a game about a little girl who projects ships crashing into bridges into peoples minds.
This is Nancy and Bonnie who take 15 minutes to tell us they’re making a Halo TV show. Also something about American Football which just ties nicely into the prevalent theme of ‘shit I don’t give a fuck about’.
Wait! A new great game??! I wonder what it could be?!
Oh seriously fuck right off, Xbox.
Whenever anyone argues against marriage equality because of their religious views as a Christian I just want to hit them over the head repeatedly with a Bible whilst yelling
ADULTERY ISN’T ILLEGAL!!
LYING ISN’T ILLEGAL!!
DIVORCE ISN’T ILLEGAL!!
DISRESPECTING YOUR PARENTS ISN’T ILLEGAL!!
WORKING ON THE SABBATH ISN’T ILLEGAL!!
WORSHIPPING OTHER GODS ISN’T ILLEGAL!!
THE LAW DOES NOT FOLLOW THE BIBLE!!!!!
I’m a Christian and I approve this message.
i’m hopping on the fusions bandwagon with a golden eyeball rock spider monster thing
I did a thing. It’s Matt Smith as a banana.
